Not MY child Mondays

NOT MY CHILD Mondays----A sarcastic rendition of what my child is doing and saying lately.

My child (and my niece) DID NOT perform a booty dance at the high school football game Friday night while standing in the bleachers and running around on the football field. They did not gyrate their booties and hips to the drumline and have everyone in the stands laughing THEIR booties off. Nope, NOT MY CHILD (or niece) For all you AUG people---"Sonic Boom of the South" bring back any memories?

My child DID NOT take a permanent marker she was coloring with and color a grape and then proceed to eat it before I could get it out of her mouth. Nope, NOT MY CHILD. (at least the marker was the same color as the grape, right?)

My child DID NOT sit on a bronze statue of a gorilla at the zoo, make a growling noise at it, then lick his head! Nope, NOT MY CHILD! Thank goodness it wasn't 20 degrees or something----she might've stuck to him.